hello!

as most of you know, i've actually stopped updating my livejournal.
i'll only update my livejournal once in a blue moon.
i've changed to a newer blog. dzariifcesc.blogspot.com
check it out!

ok bye,
francescdz

I'm still breathing.
Not dead yet.
haha.
the reason I don't update is because I have no more internet connection at home.
sad right?
now still got no internet connection.
Have to go to my cousin's house for this connection.
suck ahh my family.
if only god gave me a proper dad.
I won't have to live in such hard and uncomfortable life.

If this is better for you. Than I'll let it be. No matter how bad my life can be. Things won't be better for you, with me anchoring you. I'll let you free. free from me. with a little more time, I'll be away. away from you, so you'll be free.
If i were to stay, and be your friend,  it will just end up with my heart breaking apart. rotting and breaking to dust.
if we were to be apart, I'll force you out of my heart. I won't be in your life. I think it's better for both of us.
I'm sorry for my mistakes. I won't make you live in a rut. You're free now. Not a part of me.
I will survive, this tragedy. The loneliness that's in me, I think it's just temporary. This freaking pain, that's in me.
no regrets will be in me. i hope I'll lose all this memory.



I know me better
I won't be as bitter
In my own heaven
I'll be gone forever
Won't fall back never
I won't crack ever
Won't look back never

whenever you walk pass a thrash can,
do you think of the things that might be in it?
I mean, most people won't think there's anything useful or valuable in a thrash can.
this is because, most of the time,
things thrash cans are all rubbish
most of the things in a thrash can are unwanted stuff.
They are either spoilt, or broken.
there is little value, or no value at all for those items in a thrash can.

but what if, there's a gold coin in a thrash can?
nobody will notice it.
even with it's high value, nobody will notice the gold coin.
this is because, the gold coin is surrounded by spoilt items.
it goes the same way with a diamond ring in a dumping ground.
so, if you're a nice person,  try not to mix around with the wrong company.
the gold coin or diamond ring, it will still be able to keep it's high value.
but for a person like you, you can change, and your value will drop.

if you realized how bad you've become,
it's not too late to change.
this is because, if you still have the heart, the nice person inside you,
you can still be nice and valuable back again.
value, refers to your value towards the community you are in, and your value towards your family, your religion and yourself.

ok, I have a new blog. to those who want to know the link, it's in my previous post. HIGHLIGHT it. Aniway, do tag alot and if u want me to link ur blog, pass ur url.. haha. If got this ad out in my blog, click it alot!!haha. :P

what i posted in my new blog:

Ok.. I'm officially 20 years old now.
Damn, I'm so old. Luckily I look young. I bet I still look 17!! haha.
I'm officially not a teenager nor an adult. I'm a teenadult. hahaha.
Birthday celebration was nice. I learned that buying birthday gifts for my older sister and my younger sister is useless. I should only buy a birthday gift for my youngest sister. She's the only one that gave me a gift. She gave me this cute card and some art and craft thing which she made herself. So creative and cute.

Arzifah gave me a priceless gift. =) thanx babe. I really appreciate the cupcakes and the CASIO watch!

Today, the person that remembered my birthdays are,
Arzifah loves, Dzaiimah sister cute, Hilmi friend, Hazim friend, Ridzwan friend, Yi Hong friend,
My Granny granny?, Abdullah cousin, Mum mum, Dad dad, Dzakiiyah sister, Dzafiirah older sister, Elfira friend, Ain friend, Adila ex.

I think that's all.

Today, I learned that sharing seats to eat with strangers at a coffee shop is ok, but not in a fast food restaurant. I realized I've spent $100 on 2nd November only.


I think the number 2 and 0 is my lucky number. 1, my birthday is on 02th November. I got together with Arzifah on the 20th May my O levels L1R5 is 20, I live on the 02nd floor. So, I hope the 20th year is a good year for me. Insya'allah.

i've decided to note down the things i've learned.
highlight my important life lessons, achievements and etc.
not here. just somewhere else.
i might not be using livejournal much anymore.
http://what-dzariif-learned.blogspot.com/
so, i'm sorry if i seldom update this livejournal.

it's nice to have you back in my life and it's really nice to get back in your life.
you're very important to me.
and i really love you so much.
i will never ever want you to leave my life again.
i hope we will never leave each other again and we will love each other forever.
you are my sunflower.

i love you arzifah. =)


I learned that rude words or posts can actually hurt people's feelings.
so, i will try my best to make my every post as clean as possible. =D
good night.

Today is extremely different from what i expected it to be.
It's fucking irritating and boring.
The day started late when this girl called me at around 12pm I guess.
Asking me where we should meet when I've messaged her clearly where i want us to meet and when.
Not agreeing with my plan yet don't have better plans.
So anyway, the whole meeting was canceled.
Partly my fault. 10% maybe.
Actually, I was really looking forward for today... really.

So anyway,
I was told to go out with some other girl...
yeah. I have proof.  why? cos she's too lazy to layan me.
maybe gave up... or just don't want to layan me anymore.
most likely, cos she don't need me for entertainment purposes...... yet.
So, I went out with my friend.
After slacking, sleeping, check email and play DOTA online with Luqman.
trying my very best to make myself busy and not feel angry about her words and how I'm treated.
And also trying my very best to not need her too.
My friend and I went to eat at downtown east.
Then, bought a movie ticket.
Painted Skin. a story so nice and touching. It's about true love. yeah... true love..
while waiting for the movie,
we burned our time by doing nothing around downtown.
Seriously, there's nothing good that's cheap around downtown.

So yeah. after movie, i went home. Then now I'm posting. The movie was nice. The outing is fine. But, I am not fine.
The whole day could have been much better. It's just disappointing.

Moral of story, Don't look forward for Fridays.  blah. It's don't ever get a girlfriend that is lazy to layan you. She'll only layan you when she's bored.

So, ramadhan is over. 1 month of ramadhan, only 1 time i go terawih.. My worst record so far.
So, I'm pretty disappointed in myself. Need to start mixing with someone who is interested to pray and will always motivate me to pray.
Five times a day. He/She would ask me to pray and he/she would have prayed too.
Seriously I would like that kind of close friend(s).

So anyway, I missed being decent, very alim.. kental and innocent but alim. Haiz.. I'm really spoiling my chance to get as many pahala and as little dosa as possible on earth. I really want to get into syurga(paradise) (which may be very boring in my mind as I will be getting everything i want without any effort there, no challenges etc. It's like playing games with cheats.) well, my mind is not even 1% of god's mind, so I don't have a clue what/how syurga (heaven/ paradise) can be,

I remembered that, few years back, I wanted an alim girl to be my soul mate.
But now, I don't even think an alim girl would want me.
and, I'm with Arzifah now, so I'm faithful to her.
and I do love her.

So, after ramadhan is Shawal. the 1st day of hari raya was tiring.
slept at 4am the day before raya, then woke up at 6.45am
went to sholat hari raya.
went back home.
slept for 2 more hours.
went out to visit relatives.
and eat.
and eat
and eat
then drink
then salam
then collect hari raya profits. (duit raya)
then go home
rest
and count money
and smell money
and sing "money money money... It's so funny, In a rich man's world" then the "a rich man's" turned into "a Dza--riif's".
then keep money
then..
i forgot what i did.                                                                        hope she's worth my time/love and effort.

so anyway, I want to be alim again. Hope god will get someone into my life to be alim again. =)
I was soooo at peace when I'm alim. seldom angry, always smiling, and relaxed.

SUN

Im desperate to know how you are
i hope youre deep asleep
Ive been awake for days,
trying to study every inch of your body
in this picture, from a distant day.
when I could safely say
nothing in this world could tear me down in any way

but like a dream you disappeared
without a sound, without a trace



Sleep well, darling, wherever you are,
I hope that youre happy tonight
and maybe you found someone who will love you right.
Sleep well, darling
Im desperate to say now I need you more than ever
but all I could say was goodnight.



this is for a girl back home,
she tore down all my walls.
left me for all she'd known,
but I pushed it all away from me.
and no no, even if I knew,
even if I knew what to say to you.
its just too late to make you stay,
Im sick of fighting this broken fate.

that someone else gets to tell you,
that your beautiful.



Sleep well, darling,wherever you are,
I hope that youre happy tonight
and maybe you found someone who will love you right.
Sleep well, darling
Im desperate to say now I need you more than ever
but all I could say was goodnight.

(instrumental)

its the last thing I want,
but its all that Ive got,
Its the last thing I need,
but i still carry you in my heart.
in my heart.

its the last thing I want,
but its all that Ive got,
Its the last thing I need,
but i still carry you in my heart.
in my heart.

Chours;
Sleep well, darling, wherever you are,
I hope that your happy tonight
and maybe you found someone who will love you right.
Sleep well, darling
Im desperate to say now I need you more than ever
but all I could say was goodnight.

hope everything's ok................



:(

Seriously, I'm                .
It might be very fun and interesting to you, but to me, it's a waste of my time.
I won't be having any fun at all.
It's a lose-lose situation for me.
I'll have to travel so far just to get bored while waiting for you.

bet it'll take forever.
I'll give you till 4.
the latest.
if it takes longer,
it's over.